My name is Jessi and my goal is to change the world. Sounds like a pretty lofty achievement, doesn’t it? Here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be!
Every single day woman women are making world changing moves. Women routinely put themselves and their needs aside for the good of others. I know this is an absolute fact because I’ve seen it. My mom worked so hard to provide for me. She sacrificed so I go to a private elementary school just because the education level was higher. She rushed to me every day so I wouldn’t have to wait long in after school care. My mom had to be both parents after my father left when I was young and she never once complained. She was my hero before I even knew what one was.
Her sacrifices shaped the way I viewed my family. My freshmen year of college, my stepdad was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I left school 3 months later and moved home to help with chemo transportation and to have my mom’s back. The thing is- I let myself use his illness as an excuse. It wasn’t that I wasn’t needed at home, because I absolutely was! I could have pushed myself harder, though. I dropped out completely soon after.
It wasn’t long after that that I was married and having kids. Despite having some increasingly difficult challenges with our oldest 2 children (and their premature births), we persisted. We kept our noses to the grind and kept working hard. But pretty soon, we had 2 babies, 2 and under, and 2 full time jobs that led my husband and I to being little more than strangers passing in the night. We missed out on milestones. We missed out on family time. So, once again, I put my life aside for other people and become a stay at home mom.
I won’t lie; at first it was a relief. No more writing reports and calling medicaid for ungrateful clients. No more rushing to work on 3 hours of sleep because my colic-y daughter screamed the house down. But as the months turned into years, it became obvious that I’d been out of the game too long to be easily employable. I decided to stay still.
My kids became my entire world. Day in and day out, my life revolved around bottles and diapers and snacks. It’s not that I was unhappy. I wasn’t, exactly. But I did feel a little bit unfulfilled. A couple years later, we had another baby and the whole process started all over again. Dreams were put on hold in favor of care of our family.
Now, our youngest is 3 and has just started preschool. My brain has been a jumbled mess lately, wondering what I’m going to do “when I grow up”. I published a books few months ago and have been steadily editing for friends since then when my husband gave me a brilliant idea. Why not study something that would help my personal writing goals and my professional editing ones?
So here I am, months away from my 30th birthday, FINALLY going back to school! The application and acceptance were surprisingly simple. My end goal? Not as simple.
Ya see, books change the world. There’s no denying the power of the page. Almost everyone I know has a had a book or two touch their lives so profoundly that it changed the whole trajectory of their life. A bound collection of paper has just as much effect on you as an event.
For me, that book was Winter in the Blood. I was deeply moved by the images created on those pages. That novel showed me that it doesn’t matter our sex (the lead is male) or nationality (he’s First Nations) or how we are raised (poor and struggling); we all long to belong and be welcomed for who we really are inside. Winter in the Blood showed me that being wordy was a good thing, despite comments I’d heard for years. To put it mildly, it changed my world.
I want that. I want to write something so meaningful that it changes someones life and makes them feel safe. I want people to feel like they aren’t alone after reading what I write. I want them to belong.
The question becomes ‘how do I change the world’? The answer is; not without help. Like any profession, it requires education and mentor-ship. I’m a huge proponent of women helping women. To have a woman on my team, after all that I’ve felt I had to put aside, would be invaluable.
Obviously, there’s a financial component, too. With 3 children and their unique challenges, to put my family back in debt would be heartbreaking. Education isn’t cheap! That’s why I’m hoping Toptal Scholarships considers me for this honor. The idea that I could go to college without burdening my family, would mean everything to me. I can’t do this alone! Realistically, most don’t accomplish their goals without help from someone else. I’m no exception.
I plan to change the world with a story. My son’s story, to be specific. Despite being born at 24 weeks gestation and weighing 1 pound 9 ounces, he’s flourished. He’s faced every obstacle in his path and he’s beaten them. He’s surpassed the expectations of when he was born. He faced heart surgery at 3 weeks old. He beat illnesses and infections. He’s toppled his body’s inability to make something fundamental. He’s been relegated to daily medications and injections and rarely complains.
He’s happy and healthy and pretty damn amazing (though I might be a little biased)! He inspires me, every single day. If an 8 year old can do it, why can’t I?
World changes don’t always have to be groundbreaking tech or national tragedies. They don’t have to be wars or people of astounding abilities. You never know what will inspire someone! If my son’s story makes someone feel seen, understood, or appreciated, then I will have changed the world.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. Please help me take that single step!
J. Essex Author 